네가 나의 여전한 시간을 본다 말할 때 문득 뭉쳐오는 간격이 있어,

Mindlessly, I went to watch a movie with you. I can't really recall any of our conversation on our way. My phone buzzed in my pocket. This guy who spotted you and me from a distance was half-jokingly asking me if we were dating. I texted him back: No. You complained about overpriced movie tickets. We sat in the darkness for a while. The screen lit up like a nightlight. I sank deep down in my seat. You were speechless. In my peripheral vision I saw you lean towards the screen and I liked the way you did it.

The woman in the film left her unhappy boyfriend in the middle of the night and went to the other room. She hugged the boy from behind. Their breaths somehow synchronized. The boy was saying something. I read the subtitles since they were talking in French.

-- It's warm.

-- What is?

-- Your breath.

For some reason I felt like crying.

*

I didn't care to tell you, but back then I was walking in the most nauseating turmoil and every single day felt like a clever curse. I didn't know how to silence unnecessary thoughts on irreversible moments. White noise made me lie down on my cold queen-sized bed wide awake and all I could do was to helplessly remember, think, regret, and imagine the impossible. Thoughts were better than nightmares, I guess, but then again, how awful it is that my own thoughts could jail me like that -- easily, effortlessly, as if I were meant to be forever jailed behind those invisible and intangible bars. What could possibly break me out from this prison, I wondered.

Then you introduced me to this song:

((3-digit numbers))

I was listening to the same song over and over again. Play. Repeat. Play. Repeat. I was happily lost in sounds. Then, all of a sudden, you murmured in your usual neutral voice that, with no understanding of its lyrics, the piece could sound completely like a dream rather than a mere song. I could not dare to look at you but I could tell that it was such a concrete moment that made me internally beam with unexpected surprise and equally unexpected joy. Melody was the best remedy after all, and you reminded me of that long-forgotten truth.

That's why I can shamelessly admit that those briefly shared moments mean just so much to me, even until now.

*

(("With a Buzz in Our Ears We Play Endlessly"))

+ sigur rós - untitled 3 (samskeyti)